Tiny Prayers

London is learning how to say her prayers by her self. At the dinner table she asked if she could bless the food. She wanted Nanny to help her so she started whispering to her and London would repeat after her. She sounded confident in it until nanny said we thank thee for the opportunity... And London whispered "I can't say that word..." I love this kid.

Family... And what is important.

This past Sunday I was able to go to my old ward in West Jordan. (ward meaning the congregation I used to attend on Sundays) It was so good to be back. It felt like going home to where I grew up. I have been through so much with those people. I experienced some of my toughest life experiences with these people. And they became Family. It made me realize what the word family means to me.
My family dynamic has changed a lot in the last few years. There has been divorce, marriage, more divorce and more marriages.Now I have a family made up of people I haven't known for very long. And they have come to mean very much to me.
While there I went my old Young Women's group. I was excited to see that a friend of mine was teaching the lesson. She has always been a great teacher. The lesson was on marriage which can be a difficult subject. But it was perfectly inspired for me. I had been dating a very nice guy off and on for awhile and I couldn't figure out why exactly I could't commit to a long relationship with him. I have felt like something was off for so long. So I would back off. Then  I would again think that I needed to give him another chance because he is such a nice guy. He is so good to me and my sweet little girl. He is funny and enjoyable to be around. So what was the hold up?
Well things became clear during this lesson. She started off with a quote from Elder Nelson:

 "The noblest yearning of the human heart is for a marriage that can endure beyond death. Fidelity to a temple marriage does that. It allows families to be together forever. This goal is glorious. All Church activities, advancements, quorums, and classes are means to the end of an exalted family." (Russell M. Nelson, "Celestial Marriage," Oct. 2008 General Conference)

This makes sense to me. Everything I have done since I can remember in church has helped me become the type of person I want to be and the kind of spouse I want to be.  But probably the most stand out quote to me was this one by Elder Hales:

 "Temple marriage describes the place you go to have an eternal marriage performed. Celestial marriage is being true to the sacred covenants you make in that temple marriage ceremony—living celestial principles in the marriage relationship. A celestial marriage requires, after the vows are taken, a continuing consecrated life of worthiness leading to happiness and exaltation. If we live the laws properly, we will, with another individual and with our family, be able to have a little heaven on earth." (Robert D. Hales, "Preparing for a Heavenly Marriage," Liahona, Feb. 2006)

Bishop Goff commented that there is a huge difference between a temple wedding and an eternal marriage. Thats when I realized that I want more for my marriage than just to get sealed. I want an eternal marriage. A relationship that is consecrated by living the life I know I should. And that begins by being worthy to be sealed. And it continues by being worthy to continue to go to the temple together. It is validated by the little things like family prayer, FHE, family scripture reading and so on. I want to find a man who finds those things imporntant on his own. Not because I tell him they are important to me. 

Elder Hales: "When you are choosing your companion, make sure that both of you have a desire for a celestial marriage relationship, a desire to have a family for eternity, a desire to have a companion for eternity and to live in the presence of our Heavenly Father. I realize the importance of setting your course, of knowing where you are going. Please date extensively. Please know the kind of person you want to be with. Please make sure that you help those you come in contact with. Please point them in the direction of associating with many people. Make sure that you know before you get married what that person really wants to be. You can do that by seeing if he or she goes to his or her meetings and has a testimony and can talk to you about eternal goals now." (Robert D. Hales, "Preparing for a Heavenly Marriage," Liahona, Feb. 2006)

Our young women leader talked about dating her husband and how he had his own rules. He made them for himself. She didn't have to tell him where she wanted him to be. I have never dated a guy that has done that. And I don't think that is too much to ask. Even if it means being really patient for the right one to come along. Needless to say I know now what was missing. 

I don't live in a van down by the river, BUT.....

I would love to be your motivational speaker!!! Check it out!

Ms Wheelchair Utah 1st Attendant

We can play....

I love rides to school with London. She is so happy in the morning when she gets to go to school. And it is a fun time for us. We blast the music. She sings and dances in the back seat. Today she brought 2 little dolls that she promised would stay in the car. (previously she stuck them in her lunch box when I wasn't looking) Today I over heard the sweetest thing. She was being the voices of both dolls. Here is the dialog back and forth.




T: Hi I am Tangled.
C: I am Cinderella.
T:You look pretty.
C:Thanks.
T:Look we both have pretty dresses!
C:Look we both have yellow hair!
T: Look we both have pretty shoes!
C: We both have hands!
T: We both have eyes!
C: We both have lips!
T: We both have hands!
C: We can be friends!We can play!
T: Lets be friends!


It was adorable to say the least. I love that in London's mind that the simplest things make you 

friends. They connect you! I love it... And that makes me SMILE. Love her and the little lessons she teaches me. 

Life is not about Ability it is about ATTITUDE!

This weekend I had the chance to participate in the Ms Wheelchair Utah pageant. It was amazing! Friday night was magical. It was the little Miss Wheels competition. Girls that were under the age of 9 in wheelchairs glittered the stage with their beautiful spirits. It was graceful and precious. Of course what would be a princess pageant without Cinderella as the host and Belle, Sleeping Beauty, and Ariel right there to dance with these wonderful girls. They were in heaven. And the jealousy on London's face was obvious as she watched them dance without her. I had a lot of thoughts during this pageant that I wanted to share. I grew up on wheels. I remember as a little girl having no lack of self confidence. I would spin in circles in my chair and believe whole heartily that I was the best dancer for miles around. I would sing at the top of my lungs to any song I wanted. And I knew all the words. I was a born performer and in my mind I didn't even think there wasn't a person who didn't want to see my show! These girls were like this. They were strong! The light their tiny little bodies gave out to the audience was like a glow you can't describe. During the talent portion of the evening one little girl with cerebral palsy sang The Climb by Miley Cyrus. Mind you her voice was not clear. The words were not distinct.The tune was off key and if you didn't know what was going on you might not have known she was singing at all. But her song was the most beautiful one I have ever heard. She gave it all she had. She left the audience in tears with the message that she sang to us. You could tell that she had a passion for life that was undeniable and that nothing was going to slow her down. Even thinking about it now brings a bubble to my throat, with the threat of releasing into full out sobs.
I remember that- where did it go? How did I lose that confidence? It seems like most young girls get to a point where they become self conscious... worrying about what people think and what could make them like them. They worry about boys and how to impress them. Or they are told they aren't as beautiful as they once thought themselves  to be. Even though that is a lie... a sad lie.
Saturday night seemed like a whirlwind of events. I as nervous for the first time in a while. I arrived at the Salt Palace and the stage was more than I thought it would be. The audience filed in later and their must have been 500 or more people there. And then I realized that I was going to have the opportunity to share an amazing evening with them. The women that surrounded me all had life stories that I felt like far surpassed my own. I was not in a tragic accident. I had never lost those that were close to me and lived to tell. I don't know what is it is like to walk and dance and have that gone in a matter of seconds. I have been in a chair my whole life. I am used  to it. I have not had to start over... My beginning was the only beginning I have ever had. I have led one life that has been very full and I have always been sitting. I looked at the women around me with awe and respect because I knew most of them had lived essentially two lives.And now they were sharing their story. Needless to say I felt a large inadequacy next to the beauty around me. They were stunning. Through the difficulty they had become the women I was next to.
While I don't discount my story and my difficulty I realize that I am very lucky. very lucky indeed.
We heard each other's messages. We all learned from one another and we were enjoying being around others who were similar to us... to a point.
I had the chance to sing for my talent which was fun for me. I haven't had the chance to sing in front of an audience like that in a long time.Joey played the guitar for me and I sang "One Day You Will" By Lady Antebellum. The lyrics were the message I wanted to share that night. They have meaning to me that has an emotional spot... While I relate to them more because of what I dealt with in the last few years I felt they were pertinent for those around me and the people who have lived their stories with them.

Feel like you're fallin backwards

Like Your slippin through the cracks

You walk outside and all you see is rain

Look inside and all you feel is pain

And you can't see it now

That down the road the sun is shining

In every cloud there's a silver lining

Just keep holding on

Every heart ache makes you stronger 

And it won't be much longer

You'll find love

You'll find peace 

and the you you're meant to be

I know right now thats not the way you feel

But one day you will

You wake up every mornin and ask yourself

What am I  doin here?

You're just barely hangin by a thread

Wanna scream but your down to your last breathe

And you can't see it yet

Every heart ache makes you stronger 

And it won't be much longer

You'll find love

You'll find peace 

and the you you're meant to be

I know right now thats not the way you feel

But one day you will

Although I don't feel like I am completely healed of the mess that I have been through... I see that the sun is shining. Things are getting brighter. I can't honestly say I am happy.

I think it took this experience to see that I am coming full circle. I used to have a full heart that was never broken. It had never  felt empty. Like those young girls. An d then I went through some terrible heart ache. I watched the women around me who had also felt severe sadness talk about  the hope they felt  now.  It was very inspirational. It made me feel like that "One Day" wasn't  so far away anymore. It was closer than I had felt in a long time. 

That night was the beginning of a new chapter of healing for me. I didn't win- but I learned so much. And hey- runner up ain't bad!

Here I am again!

So I have officially decided it is time to start blogging... again. This time I am for real... again. I am hoping this can be a better way of keeping up, keeping in touch, and keeping track. Who knows what will come out of it, but it is bound to be a crazy- but fun ride!