Life is not about Ability it is about ATTITUDE!

This weekend I had the chance to participate in the Ms Wheelchair Utah pageant. It was amazing! Friday night was magical. It was the little Miss Wheels competition. Girls that were under the age of 9 in wheelchairs glittered the stage with their beautiful spirits. It was graceful and precious. Of course what would be a princess pageant without Cinderella as the host and Belle, Sleeping Beauty, and Ariel right there to dance with these wonderful girls. They were in heaven. And the jealousy on London's face was obvious as she watched them dance without her. I had a lot of thoughts during this pageant that I wanted to share. I grew up on wheels. I remember as a little girl having no lack of self confidence. I would spin in circles in my chair and believe whole heartily that I was the best dancer for miles around. I would sing at the top of my lungs to any song I wanted. And I knew all the words. I was a born performer and in my mind I didn't even think there wasn't a person who didn't want to see my show! These girls were like this. They were strong! The light their tiny little bodies gave out to the audience was like a glow you can't describe. During the talent portion of the evening one little girl with cerebral palsy sang The Climb by Miley Cyrus. Mind you her voice was not clear. The words were not distinct.The tune was off key and if you didn't know what was going on you might not have known she was singing at all. But her song was the most beautiful one I have ever heard. She gave it all she had. She left the audience in tears with the message that she sang to us. You could tell that she had a passion for life that was undeniable and that nothing was going to slow her down. Even thinking about it now brings a bubble to my throat, with the threat of releasing into full out sobs.
I remember that- where did it go? How did I lose that confidence? It seems like most young girls get to a point where they become self conscious... worrying about what people think and what could make them like them. They worry about boys and how to impress them. Or they are told they aren't as beautiful as they once thought themselves  to be. Even though that is a lie... a sad lie.
Saturday night seemed like a whirlwind of events. I as nervous for the first time in a while. I arrived at the Salt Palace and the stage was more than I thought it would be. The audience filed in later and their must have been 500 or more people there. And then I realized that I was going to have the opportunity to share an amazing evening with them. The women that surrounded me all had life stories that I felt like far surpassed my own. I was not in a tragic accident. I had never lost those that were close to me and lived to tell. I don't know what is it is like to walk and dance and have that gone in a matter of seconds. I have been in a chair my whole life. I am used  to it. I have not had to start over... My beginning was the only beginning I have ever had. I have led one life that has been very full and I have always been sitting. I looked at the women around me with awe and respect because I knew most of them had lived essentially two lives.And now they were sharing their story. Needless to say I felt a large inadequacy next to the beauty around me. They were stunning. Through the difficulty they had become the women I was next to.
While I don't discount my story and my difficulty I realize that I am very lucky. very lucky indeed.
We heard each other's messages. We all learned from one another and we were enjoying being around others who were similar to us... to a point.
I had the chance to sing for my talent which was fun for me. I haven't had the chance to sing in front of an audience like that in a long time.Joey played the guitar for me and I sang "One Day You Will" By Lady Antebellum. The lyrics were the message I wanted to share that night. They have meaning to me that has an emotional spot... While I relate to them more because of what I dealt with in the last few years I felt they were pertinent for those around me and the people who have lived their stories with them.

Feel like you're fallin backwards

Like Your slippin through the cracks

You walk outside and all you see is rain

Look inside and all you feel is pain

And you can't see it now

That down the road the sun is shining

In every cloud there's a silver lining

Just keep holding on

Every heart ache makes you stronger 

And it won't be much longer

You'll find love

You'll find peace 

and the you you're meant to be

I know right now thats not the way you feel

But one day you will

You wake up every mornin and ask yourself

What am I  doin here?

You're just barely hangin by a thread

Wanna scream but your down to your last breathe

And you can't see it yet

Every heart ache makes you stronger 

And it won't be much longer

You'll find love

You'll find peace 

and the you you're meant to be

I know right now thats not the way you feel

But one day you will

Although I don't feel like I am completely healed of the mess that I have been through... I see that the sun is shining. Things are getting brighter. I can't honestly say I am happy.

I think it took this experience to see that I am coming full circle. I used to have a full heart that was never broken. It had never  felt empty. Like those young girls. An d then I went through some terrible heart ache. I watched the women around me who had also felt severe sadness talk about  the hope they felt  now.  It was very inspirational. It made me feel like that "One Day" wasn't  so far away anymore. It was closer than I had felt in a long time. 

That night was the beginning of a new chapter of healing for me. I didn't win- but I learned so much. And hey- runner up ain't bad!